The number one parenting error is too much criticism!  Unfortunately, even so-called “constructive criticism” usually does more harm than good. The logic behind such criticism is that if the parent perceives that the child is making mistakes and behaving inappropriately, simply pointing out his mistakes or poor character traits will alert the child to the problem so she will take the information to heart and correct the error in the future.

Do you feel frustrated at having to constantly remind your child to be polite, shake hands, or say hello? Are you afraid that he or she is becoming unfriendly and is not learning social skills? Many parents are experiencing challenges figuring out manners for kids and consequently express concern. However, remembering a few key points can be very helpful.

When a problem arises or there is some form of misbehavior, you can communicate with children most effectively by writing a note. Haim Ginott, famed psychologist from the 1960’s and later his students Faber and Mazlish, developed this idea and I’ve added elucidation. Hand the child a piece of paper saying, “Billy, I see candy wrappers left on the couch,” and you will be amazed to see the results. Hang a note in the bathroom saying, “Wet towels should be hung up to dry,” and you will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Writing is much more than just a convenient way to store and send information, it is an extremely effective, wise and respectful method of communicating with children.

Faber and Mazlish in their classic “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen And How To Listen So Kids Will Talk” offer some great advice on teaching emotions, to which  I’ve added my own elucidation and explanation. Please keep in mind that these points are an ideal which may be difficult for many parents to fully achieve. Therefore we must have patience with ourselves, keeping in mind that doing as much as we can will be of great benefit to our children.

It may seem from reading my blog that I claim to be a parenting expert. While I do feel that I have some interesting and worthwhile advice to offer parents on various topics, on the topic of getting children potty trained early, however, I am no expert at all. All of my boys trained very late. Yet for potty training 101 I do have some advice to offer you, and that is that toilet training is best done later when the child is emotionally ready for it, as opposed to pressuring him or her to train early or by some arbitrary age. 

I have developed these parenting tips based on my experience in psychotherapy and teaching, on extensive research, advice of mentors, and my experience raising my own four boys. These suggestions represent a parenting ideal which no one can achieve perfectly, therefore I advise parents to have patience with themselves and try to implement new ideas gradually. 

It can be frightening if your child gets angry. You feel like he or she is going to lose control. How many tantrums and anger fits can you handle? Some children can be irritable frequently and this is upsetting. A parent might think, “What’s wrong with me that my child is not happy.” So in considering anger management for kids, there are two stages in dealing with the problem, 1) preventing them from being generated in the first place, and 2) resolving the angry feelings once they have arisen.

Decision making for kids is a difficult skill that takes practice to master. Many adults have trouble making decisions, so one can imagine how challenging it is for children. How do we help our child learn how to make good choices? The answer is we allow him to struggle to a certain extent with an age-appropriate decision, but when it gets to a point that it is beyond his ability, it may be healthier to make the decision for him in a way that is supportive of the child’s desires. In other words, it is sometimes necessary to help the child make the decision that he really wants to make. 

Are you frustrated by your child's breaking rules? Is there a constant power struggle between you and him or her? Do you feel powerless and that things sometimes get out of control? Does she just not seem to listen? Learning how to set limits for your child can be extremely challenging but keeping a few pointers in mind can make things go much more smoothly. Please bear in mind that the principles expressed here represent an ideal parenting goal, and one should not expect to achieve these ideals perfectly.

When a child is upset, when a child has a problem, when a child has conflict, try to reflect his feelings back to him. Always deal with the feelings first before you do anything else. Reflecting means verbalizing and labelling the feelings he is experiencing and showing the child that you are aware that he has those feelings. Let's say a child comes home and reports a conflict with someone else. Before you give advice, criticize, or blame, say, “What he said must've really hurt your feelings,” or, “That must've been very frustrating,” or “That must have made you angry.” 

One good piece of parenting advice is to try to avoid reprimanding kids for being energetic in a public place. For healthy children, being active and making noise is normal behavior and should be tolerated to a certain extent. Try to ignore people who might look disapprovingly at you.

A very important parenting principle to remember is that it is the parents’ job to fulfill the child's physical, emotional and intellectual needs, but it is not the job of the child to fulfill the needs of his parents. In this sense the parent child relationship is truly unidirectional. It is the parents’ job to give to the child as selflessly as possible, and the child is not expected to give back until he's relatively mature.

Another concept from famed psychologist Haim Ginott involves giving your child ‘in fantasy’ what he can’t have in reality. Again, I’ve synthesized his work and my own ideas. It is the perfect solution to the question of “How to tell my child I can’t but him what he wants.”

Some parents engage in what’s called “Helicopter parenting”, where they swoop in to do everything for their children, and never let them struggle with tasks or do anything for themselves. When taken to an extreme, this certainly doesn’t seem to be advisable as it prevents children from developing a healthy sense of autonomy, independence and self-determination. However on the other hand, we know that being a parent means performing endless acts of kindness towards our children, to give selflessly. This is good for the parents, as they learn to become noble givers, and good for the children, who become filled up to overflowing with those acts of kindness, and in turn by example learn to be kind to others as well. So if I pour a glass of milk for a 6 year old am I doing him a kindness, since he may be too tired, frustrated or immature to pour it for himself, or if I let him pour it, am I doing him the greater kindness of letting him learn responsibility and autonomy?