For Men: How to have a healthy relationship with a woman.


Man’s quest for how to have a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex is fraught with difficulty nowadays. Even Einstein, with all his genius, admitted that he was a total failure at maintaining a successful relationship with a woman. If he wasn’t smart enough to do it, how easy will it be for us? A large percentage of men in our society are extremely frustrated in this area and never find a satisfying mate. Another huge portion find and marry but end up in devastating divorces. And yet another significant portion of men get and stay married, but are very unhappy and dissatisfied with such unions which are often conflicted, loveless or empty, and they desperately crave something else. Then there are the swingers who spend their whole lives jumping from woman to woman. Although this group does have some transitory enjoyment, I firmly believe that they are not at all happy and certainly are not admirable. So we’re left with only a small percentage of men who actually find steady, reliable, lifelong, satisfying and morally admirable relations with the opposite sex. How can a man, young or old, who is desiring of such a happy success, increase against all odds his chances of obtaining it? This report will attempt to answer that difficult question of how to have a healthy relationship. But first let me give present you a case study on the issue, so you will understand how a particular person arrived, through trial and error, at the wisdom I will then present.

Case Study: Dave

Dave is a real person I have known well for many years. As a boy and teenager, Dave was extremely frustrated and unhappy regarding the opposite sex. He was desperately interested in them but was totally powerless to find any sort of satisfying relationships. Even as towards the end of high school, as he began to date girls more often, he was only 5 percent satisfied. Girls seemed across the board completely unwilling to satisfy his need for them, and you could forget about finding a meaningful long-term emotional relationship: He couldn’t convince a girl to stay with him for more than a few weeks. But the problem at the time seemed to be simply volume. 99 percent of the girls he approached said no, and the few that said yes were unsatisfying and untrustworthy. He reasoned that he needed to be able to attract volumes of girls, and then he could have his pick and find the good ones.

A student finds his teachers for how to have a healthy relationship:


A great break in this area came through when Dave turned 21. He got a job as a lifeguard at some backcountry lakes, and there were two guards working there who were brothers, and a few years older than him, named Matt and Jeff. These boys were consummate womanizers. Jeff, the younger of the two, was a captain-of-the-football-team type who had completely monopolized the masses of average girls since his early days in junior high school. By the time he was 23 he had seduced many hundreds, and Dave was able to witness many such successess that summer up by the lake. Jeff’s weak point, however was the more high-end, intellectual girls, who could outwit him, so he stuck with the droves of average girls that flocked to him. Matt was less profligate but more intellectual and he was capable of seducing even the most sophisticated, hi-class lady. He had analyzed his brother’s seemingly inborn success, as well as his own, albeit more modest achievements, and had it all organized into a logical system. So that summer Dave had the pleasure and privilege of become their student. In long hours by the lake they taught him everything they knew about how to seduce women, and they practiced on visitors to the lake as well as every night at the local bar scene. Every day included a careful analysis of the last nights efforts and what was needed to improve technique, especially by taking advantage of Dave’s own strengths and personal characteristics. Womanizing is a science. It is a baffling one when you don’t understand it, but it is pretty straightforward when you know the basic principles, which I will get to shortly.

Dave was a good student, and by September he knew enough to be successful with women in droves.

When he returned to school for his senior year, people were amazed at the change that had come over him. How did he get to be so smooth and alluring? As promised he had his pick of the girls. But he was thunderstruck with a new realization. Now that he had finally succeeded in conquering all the women he could ever dream of, he reported realizing how fleeting, unsatisfying, unreliable, impractical, emotionally and physically dangerous, overrated and just plain low, causal relationships with women had turned out to be! It was only his desperate lack of females in years past that had created the illusion that swinging single would bring happiness. The truth was otherwise. In addition, he had known over the years many guys who had long term relationships with many girls, one after the other, most of which ended in devastating heartbreak. He had had friends crying in his arms over girls that had betrayed them and loves they had lost. American youth culture is littered with heartbreak. He was determined not to let that happen to him. The problem was, the more Dave liked a particular girl, and the more she liked him and he wished to have an intimate relationship with her, the more he was terrified of falling in love, and then what? What was to stop her from breaking his heart? He had as of yet never met a single girl he could trust as far as he could throw. She might love him right now, but she might just as easily be lured away by some other guy with bigger charm in the future. So, he saw that it wasn’t enough to have even that elusive wisdom of how to succeed in casual relationships! He needed to find one woman who was beautiful, amazing, intelligent, kind and faithful and trustworthy who he could feel totally safe falling in love with and who would never betray him. Did such a woman exist? How would he ever find her? Even consulting with the great Matt and Jeff revealed no answer. They were rocked with scandals, unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, betrayals and even a bit of heartbreak as well.


To make a long story short, Dave found what he was looking for a few years later in his late 20’s, having developed and relied on a set of skills and principles which I will soon discuss. For nearly 25 years now he has been married to a wonderful lady, and he reports having truly achieved as much happiness and faithfulness and deep satisfaction that he could ever imagine a man getting from a woman. He feels as secure that this relationship is going to last as any man could be. He has practically ZERO desire to mess around with any other women. Dave reports that his wife is so kind to him, whether in or out of the bedroom, that he is convinced that no other woman could give him half of the joy and satisfaction she does. He has a solid plan in place that he anticipates will ensure his great relationship endures until old age, not to mention a wonderful community that completely supports, strengthens, solidifies and encourages his monogamy. They have had a few rough patches though, which with proper guidance, they have worked through and come out much stronger and more dedicated to each other. He explains to his children the folly of casual affairs and how they never lead to happiness.

How can you, too, achieve such happiness and peace? I’m going to do my best to show you.

How to attract women: Positioning

The overwhelmingly fastest way to attract women is position. For example, if you can get yourself in the position of a star on a high school football team, a guitar player in a rock and roll band, or some kind of glamorous and successful role, the women will lay themselves at your feet in throngs. You needn’t be a movie star, though. Even a minor position such as a college professor, party agitator in a resort hotel, officer in the armed forces, lifeguard at a popular beach, CEO of a company, the most popular guy in a social group, or some other position that puts you into a glamorous exclusive light, will get enough ladies to fall at your feet. So although I don’t recommend it for causal affairs, you can try getting yourself into a good position and, together with a few other tips I can give you, you will likely be successful. The problem is, those women won by glamour will just as easily dump you for the next guy who is a little more glamorous and you risk being heartbroken. And if you’ll say, “I don’t care, I’m not sensitive, I would love a few years of casual affairs and then maybe I’ll settle down,” you must understand that love and sex is like the glue on a sticker. The first time you stick it, it holds well, but after every time you peel it off and re-stick it, the bond holds less well. That’s the simple truth, tried and true over the generations, the more casual affairs you have, the less you will bond eventually with your soulmate. Your heart will always partially be with all those early young loves who got to you first, and you will not appreciate the amorous charms of your destined beloved. It’s a simple statistic. The more a man messes around when he’s single, the less chance he will end up in that successful, lifelong monogamous relationship we are talking about. However you can use a good position to attract large numbers of women, and then maybe pick one good one out of that group. You’d just have to make sure she’s not completely superficial. So therefore the rule of position does have some value in my program, and that is why I am sharing it with you. Use it wisely, and it will increase your chances of finding that special someone.

The technique of Stepping Back.


This technique was invented completely by Matt. You see, women are used to almost all men being complete dogs. They all seem to want endless sex, and doggedly pursue it at every step of a relationship. And since most of the time most women want more than just casual sex, they usually say no, and expect to need to say no in the face of the typical man’s relentless advances. Women know that at every step of the dating process, men will move for sex. It’s totally boring and predictable to women. Therefore Matt’s ingenious trick to conquering women and gaining either that casual affair you seek, or more passion and romance within the context of monogamy, is to step back and stop pursuing sex precisely before the woman has a chance to say no. This will take most women completely by surprise, will impress and disarm them, and will inflame their desire. For example, let’s say you’re on a date and you assess that she fully assumes you will move for sex at the end of the date. So when the moment of truth comes to try to get yourself invited up to her apartment, surprise her and step back from pursuing sex, instead offering to take a romantic walk and have a stimulating conversation on a park bench in the moonlight. She will have been so totally expecting you to ask to be invited up and to move for sex, that your unexpected idea will deeply impress and intrigue her. “This means he doesn’t only want me for sex,” she will think. “Maybe he really wants me for who I am as a person.” The attitude behind stepping back that you must present regarding sex with a woman is, that you can take it or leave it, you are not so desperate that you will never say no. Sometimes you have more important things you would like to do, like talk. She will instantly see you as a much deeper person and she will develop a much greater respect for you. In addition, stepping back serves to totally inflame her passion for you. It turns you in to a hi-value, sought after commodity, who cannot be had just for the asking. You can step back at a later stage as well, such as after you are invited up and you are both sitting on the couch and she expects you to make a move on her. Instead, turn down sex, put your arm around her and engage in an hour long exhilarating conversation. She will be totally smitten by you for that. She will think that you are a deeper, more serious person who has real values and is not just after his own selfish pleasure. Stepping back can be utilized on the micro level, such as at any point in an individual date as I have said, or on a macro level. If you find a really good lady with whom you’d like to have a long-term relationship, tell her you prefer to not have any sex for at least the first six months of the relationship, as you want it to be based on emotions and values, not just sex. She will have so much respect for you and will totally fall in love with you for that. Her desire for you will paradoxically and amazingly be increased manifold. Later you can relent and become intimate with her sooner if she insists, if its at the right time. In the context of marriage or monogamy, stepping back can be used at any point when you want intimacy but she doesn’t. There is one caveat however, only step back when you assess that the woman doesn’t want sex or at least is ambivalent about it. Never step back when she truly wants intimacy, that is cruel and will enrage her. Remember that as I will say later, kindness is the absolute rule in how to have a healthy relationship with women, and you are only stepping back in order to improve the relationship and increase passion later, not God forbid, to punish a woman or to be cruel.

Therefore as you can see I recommend in general against casual affairs.

Not only are they fraught with venereal disease, unwanted pregnancy, anger and conflict, heartbreak and the weakening of your capacity to bond, but they drive that one good woman away. If you get a reputation as that guy who doesn’t like to mess around, who will only go out with a serious, special woman, all the high-quality girls will flock to you and you will have your pick. But if you come on strong you will seem desperate and they will all run away.


Don’t think that you have to try out a woman in bed before you commit to her to make sure first you’re both sexually compatible. Sexual compatibility is not based on anything technical or on looks, its based on emotional compatibility, and a dedication to perform acts of kindness to one another. If you have that you can be sure that sexual compatibility will follow. But if you lack a deep emotional connection and a mutually kind disposition, an initially passionate fling with a gorgeous girl will completely fizzle out.

The other technique to attract women and for how to have a healthy relationship, whether causally or within the context of monogamy, is to develop your animal magnetism.

This is accomplished chiefly by developing a conscious awareness of your physical body and its sensuality, first practiced by yourself and then in the presence of a woman. The trick is to lay your consciousness on your physical body and its sensations, cultivating a conscious awareness. When you’re in the presence of a desired woman, think about your hips, your legs, your shoulders, everything, while you’re speaking with her. Be aware of the attractiveness of your legs as you cross and uncross them. Notice how she is noticing your body and movements, and think about how irresistible and inevitably you are attracting her. Don’t focus on her body, focus only on yours. Truly believe that you are such a sensuous and sexual being that you don’t even need her to get turned on. You just exude sex and you are promising with your body language that you will be just as sensuous and pleasing when you finally become intimate. With practice, this works like a charm, it has been used endless times.



The role of a man regarding how to have a healthy relationship is to be a giver. Just like on a physical level, a man gives his seed and a woman takes what he gives her and builds something with it, it is the man’s job in a relationship to give selflessly and endlessly for the sole purpose of having someone to be a recipient of your kindness. You must have this attitude to be successful with women. If you are out for yourself, your own goals and your own pleasure, you will always be frustrated and you will fail. The same applies to children as well, which I will talk about later. You must develop a taste for the joy and ecstatic pleasure of giving to others and performing selfless acts of kindness. If you behave that way to a woman she will worship you like a god and will be completely charmed and dedicated to you. And then she will return your kindness tenfold and make you truly happy. But you have to initiate the kindness first and only then will she be inspired to follow. Women who give to men who aren’t first givers get burned out and the relationship fails.

The principle vehicle of bestowing kindness upon women is through kind words

Although with children I advise against effusive and global praise as I write in my blog, with women that doesn’t apply. You need to pull out all the stops. Lavish her with endless praise, tell her every kind of lie. Her lips are gorgeous, her eyes are deep, her hair is amazing, her sense of humor is divine, she’s amazingly brilliant and creative, she’s so helpful you can’t live without her, she is to you like a beam of sunlight that fills up the room. Constantly invent new ways to praise her and to make her feel great about herself. No matter how she looks or what she puts on, tell her she looks great.

Never, ever say a negative or critical word to a woman!

The concept of “constructive criticism” is a lie invented by fools who know nothing about women. Members of the opposite gender are naturally very self-conscious, and 99 percent of the time your constant praise will lead them to themselves discover what there is to improve and they will fix it on their own. If there is something she is doing terribly wrong and you must inform her, preface it with 10 items of praise and then only ever so gently hint at her mistake. If you follow this advice you will have any woman eating out of your hand in no time.



I am firmly convinced that it is impossible for a person to be happy if he doesn’t have children. For women this is even more true, and therefore it is very difficult to be successful at having a healthy relationship with a women if you do not demonstrate your wholehearted willingness to become a dedicated, loving father and grandfather. Therefore it is critical to get your values straight. There is no greater gift than a child, and you need to fully realize that if you want a quality woman to take you seriously. Make it clear to her your sincere desire to be a patriarch and help her build a beautiful family.

How to pick the right woman.

Not only is it important for YOU to be kind, but a kind heart is the most critical if not the ONLY quality that is important in a woman! She may have amazing looks, be extremely intelligent, wealthy, successful, active, hi-class and of high social status, witty and charming, but if she is not dedicated to performing endless acts of selfless kindness towards YOU, you will be miserable! I’ve seen it many times. For example regarding intimacy, if she is the most gorgeous woman in the world but is not dedicated to performing kindness to you in the bedroom, you will be so frustrated! But an average-looking woman with a truly kind heart will bring you endless satisfaction and joy, in all aspects of your life.

Contrary to popular belief, a high-powered, dynamic, successful career woman, is not good material for a mate!

You want a woman whose life is dedicated not to her career but to YOU and your family. Please forgive me but the honest truth is you need a lady who is a bit simple, who will follow your lead, adopt your values and look up to you! Yes that’s it! You need to take a step down to find a mate. Choose a woman of lower social status than you, with less money, less intelligence, less looks and charm who considers YOU to be a catch! If you get an amazing, superior woman who you really admire, but who doesn’t look up to you, you will be miserable, I promise! But if you get a simple, kind girl who admires, worships and is thrilled to have you, even if you don’t find her to be so amazing, you will end up very happy, and you will learn to appreciate her because of her dedication to you!

The intimacy issue

Proper intimacy is extremely important for a man, much more so than for women. Sex is very much like food, if you don’t get enough of it and the right kind at the proper times, you will be starving, desperate and miserable. It is extremely important that a man sets himself up with a situation in life that satisfies his sexual needs, just like he does so to ensure his financial needs! The cold truth is, a truly satisfying intimate life for a man can only be found in the context of a mutually kind, loving, lifelong monogamous relationship. Look at Harvey Weinstein, he had all the casual women he could have wanted, yet his desperation at not achieving satisfying monogamy led him to bizzare and dangerous acts. Even a man with a whole harem of gorgeous concubines will have his sexual energy scattered and fractured and will never be satisfied. The only way is to channel your sexual energy into one woman over many decades, using it to build a lifelong partnership of kindness and family. When you reserve your sexual energies for such work, your desire and passion becomes locked into that one woman and your life with her, and it becomes completely tamed and highly controlled. It gets to the point that you can only be satisfied by her. But without such monogamy, your desperate desires will drive you to do all sorts of shameful and embarrassing things, or at the least you will be miserable. Look at Jimmy Swaggert, NY governer Eliot Spitzer and many others.

How do I establish and maintain such a relationship?


Besides reducing casual affairs before marriage, there is much you can do to preserve passion, interest and love in your monogamy. Rule number ONE is to limit as much as possible being stimulated, especially visually, by women other than your wife. The more you look at girls on the street, flirt with co-workers and female friends, and look at sexy pics or pornography, the more your sexual energies will be fractured and scattered towards those women, and they will not come to rest in your wife! The more you look at, think about, kiss and socialize with other women, the less you will be attracted to and enamored by your soulmate. Remember sex is like food. If you are planning to enjoy a lavish meal at night, and you snack all afternoon, you will have no appetite left over for your meal and will not enjoy it. Similarly, if you stimulate yourself with other women, you will have nothing left for your wife, and since an intense sexual desire and cherishing towards her is absolutely essential in a relationship, without it your marriage will be in big trouble. Sex and passion is the indispensable glue which bonds any monogamy together. You must zealously guard it at all costs, and use it to invest in a dedication to that one special woman. Therefore have YOUR WIFE dress in the sexiest clothes, make-up and hairstyles. Take endless alluring pictures of her, and look at them instead, when you are tempted to look at others. Anytime a fantasy of another woman arises in your mind, instantly substitute it for a fantasy of your beloved. Show her and tell her that you have only and exclusively eyes for her, and she will love you and be dedicated to you all the more.

I knew a guy who used to look at pretty girls a lot on the street with his friend.

Once he related to his friend, “You know it actually hurts to look at all these sexy women I can never have, at best I could maybe have only one or two for a short while.” He had begun to realize the simple truth: directing your desires on the many beautiful women out there creates more pain, frustration and discontent than it does pleasure! A wise man tries on purpose not to look at alluring women on the street, because he knows that doing so will create a momentary pleasure which will be replaced a few seconds later with a terribly uncomfortable, unquenchable longing and dissatisfaction. Not to mention he will be comparing those girls to his wife, and it will cause him to lose affection for her! But if he avoids looking at all of those, when he gets home his wife looks great!


Don’t feel that the solution is to get one extremely beautiful girl, because as I have said, it’s kindness in a woman that provides romantic and sexual satisfaction, not looks! All you need is a generous, decent average looking woman. Let’s say you were stranded on a desert island by yourself for 10 years. All of a sudden a rowboat washes up on shore with an average-looking woman inside. How overjoyed would you be to now have her companionship! How enthralled would you be by her beauty. The simple truth is, a gorgeous woman is like a billion dollars, and an average woman is like a half a billion. Wouldn’t you be happy with half a billion? Therefore, pretend you’re on a desert island and the only woman you ever see is your wife! Have eyes only for her, and I promise you she will satisfy your every desire, but give in to temptation to look elsewhere and you will be endlessly frustrated.

How do you get her to kindly take care of your intimate needs in the bedroom?

By lavishing kindness onto her. Give and give selflessly and endlessly, and she will be inspired to return your every desire tenfold. For example, my three point program for a better sex life includes, praise, cleaning and massage. ONE, heap verbal and written praise onto her as I have said above, TWO, double the amount of cleaning help you get for your home, and in addition spend, in front of her, three minutes cleaning each day. “Ok honey, I’m now going to wash this pot,” and do it while she’s watching. This shows her you empathize with her cleaning burden, and thereafter she won’t mind cleaning the rest herself. And THREE, give her every kind of generous, kind massage. Women go into ecstasy over massage. Spend time every day massaging her feet, her legs, her hands, her neck, her back, everything. Don’t ask her to reciprocate. After a few months of these three things she will become a champion in the bedroom, I promise. Not to mention your entire relationship will flourish.

When you have enough regular food, you are generally satisfied and not concerned about it,

and it becomes just another simple moderate albeit important pleasure that you engage in regularly. Without food life is impossible, but with it, it is only maybe 5 percent of the happiness of life. Sex is the same way. Not enough is intolerable, but if you create the right relationship, sex will be what it should be, a very necessary and important but only 5 percent element of your life. Then you will be freed to focus on more important things, like career, children, interests or whatever else you may dream of. Your life’s goals will not be derailed by any sexual scandals or frustrated desires.

How to have a healthy relationship: Intimacy Holiday

This technique, believe it or not, is 3,800 years old! It has been uses faithfully by millions successfully since that time, and it almost never fails. I know personally many people who use it regularly, so I can attest to its golden effectiveness.

The idea is to, on purpose, agree to refrain from intimacy and all passionate contact with your partner for a predetermined period at regular intervals. Let’s say for a week for younger couples, or 10 or 14 days for older couples, once each month. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder! One of the major obstacles to long-term monogamy is that boredom develops in the intimate relationship, and passion fades. However a regular intimacy holiday completely resolves that problem! By refraining for a week or two each month, both partners develop a tremendous longing and desire for the other, which increases intensely each day until their prescribed reunion, until on the appointed night it explodes in a festival of passion and love, truly a monthly miniature version of the wedding night of a virgin bride and groom! Somehow, the fact that intimacy is not an option for you both during the period of the holiday, has the amazing effect of greatly increasing the value of your partner in your eyes, and your desire for her, and hers for you! You must however, gain the explicit agreement and understanding of your partner, that you are not rejecting each other, but are simply employing a strategy to create love and passion in your relationship. Many couples across all walks of life have tried it, and report amazing results. Just like food, too much constant indulgence in intimacy over-satisfies you and creates dissatisfaction, but giving the couple a chance to miss each other, generates a tremendous hunger for each other, dedication and love. Successfully carrying out a regular intimacy holiday is challenging, and it generally must be undertaken under the careful guidance of a wise, experienced couples counselor. But it is entirely possible, millions do it around the world, and it is worth a try. It goes without saying that during such a holiday a man should do his best to not stimulate himself through looking at other women, pornography or engaging in self-stimulation.

I am aware that all of this sounds a bit outlandish and difficult to implement, but take it from me as a person with tremendous experience in this area, it is by far the wisest and actually the ONLY path to lifelong happiness and satisfaction.

A few practical tips for the bedroom

include the fact that a man’s desire can be compared to fire. it ignites quickly but is quickly extinguished, but a woman’s desire is like water. It takes the slow and gentle application of the man’s fire to bring her to a passionate boil which she will maintain for some time. If you throw too much cold water on a fire too soon it will go out and the water will remain cold, but slow and deliberate application of the fire and you will be left with a roaring flame and boiling water! Therefore a wise man must gently and gradually apply the fire of his desire and affection to his partner, slowly heating her up. This means lots of massage, kisses and hugs, and only full intimacy at a later time when she is truly boiling. You need to begin on non-erogenous zones, like hands and feet, and gradually move towards the more erogenous zones, which serves to build her desire up until when you reach her final special place, it explodes. Remember she needs your desire to be stimulated, so you must guard it and not let it be extinguished until the end.

That brings us to an important rule in intimacy, that a man must put his partner’s needs first;

if his goal is to please her, then she will be pleased AND he will ultimately get the highest satisfaction as well. But if he is selfishly only out for his own desires, she will burn out and neither will end up being satisfied. This doesn’t mean that you can’t see to it that your own sexual needs are met, it just means that the path to truly satisfying your own needs, involves making efforts to satisfy hers, first. Then she will be inspired to satisfy yours. Once you have a regular rhythm of taking care of her needs, she will likely generously give you special treats when you need for her, at times, to focus exclusively on your needs.


For those of you who are in a relationship and are having sexual problems, in my opinion sex therapy is NOT effective treatment!

The problem is almost always actually an emotional, marital harmony issue which may require general couples counseling, or as I explain on my couples therapy page, may require individual therapy for one or both partners.

I had a married man once who was complaining about his sex life. So we developed a plan together. He took the day off from work, spent all day cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids and serving his wife, and on top of that wrote a wonderful, long love letter. That night, he reported they had the most amazing sex ever! She was transformed into a tigress! So we see that satisfying her needs is the key.

Another amazing secret

which experience has proven conclusively is that the quality of the children born from a union goes according to the level of passion, desire and love, both sexual and emotional, of the couple. That’s right, supernatural as it may sound, beautiful, healthy children with good character traits are created by steady passion and marital harmony!

One other great tip is to try and find a woman who comes from an emotionally healthy background,

for example who had parents who did not mistreat her or who got divorced when she was young. If she did have a difficult or traumatic childhood, she must have been through a serious course of therapy, or at least be willing to do so as soon as possible. That’s the simple truth: any potential mate, male or female, must solemnly promise that he or she will seek appropriate psychotherapy or couples counseling if there is a need for it now or if such a need will ever arise! However, being stuck with a partner who desperately needs therapy but refuses to get it is hell for both partners. The key is you need to find someone who is willing to change and grow as is necessary over the decades.

A woman who has been married before,

or a young woman with young children from a previous relationship, has its pluses and minuses. It could be that she is a good girl who has truly regretted her mistakes, gotten therapy and is willing to start fresh and be a great partner. One plus is that she is already an experienced parent who has made her mistakes and will do a better job on your children. In addition, at least you know she is fertile, which is unfortunately not always the case with all women! On the other hand, a woman with a history of a serious relationship is less likely to bond well and be faithful to you because her sticker has lost some of its glue! Thus she will need to consciously overcome that disadvantage and create dedication towards you out of her own free will, so you need the assurance of evidence that she will indeed do that. Also keep in mind that raising someone else’s children can be very difficult at times, and dealing with the ex can be truly challenging.

Please be advised that all of the above advice on how to have a healthy relationship represents a relationship ideal, and I don’t expect anyone to be able to achieve it right away, or ever completely. Even if you can implement only a part of the program, you will see amazing and beneficial results! So have patience with yourself and try to make changes gradually. With a little work and dedication, you will see gratifying progress.

Feel free to peruse the rest of my fascinating blog and the specialties on my website. If you live in NYC and struggling with how to have a healthy relationship, and are looking for a Couples Therapist or individual psychotherapist, and you feel I may be the right fit for you or your family, you may chat with me in the chat box, or call me directly at 646-681-1707 for a complementary 15-minute consultation. I look forward to speaking with you!

For more on couples counseling click here.