Praising your child? Don't praise, celebrate!

Praising your child? Don't praise, celebrate!

So if not through praise, how do we get a child to himself conclude that he is good and worthy and create true self-esteem? The answer is through celebrating and describing. Take celebrating. 
Let’s say a child finishes a puzzle by himself and he's praised, “Good boy, what a great job you did!” The child will think the good thing about finishing puzzles is that I will get pleasant praise after I'm done. That is extrinsic motivation and causes the child to think the enjoyment and satisfaction I get out of doing the puzzle itself is not so important.

Read More

How to handle my child’s misbehavior? By using it as an amazing opportunity to reconnect!

How to handle my child’s misbehavior? By using it as an amazing opportunity to reconnect!

Almost all misbehavior is caused by unhappiness over the child’s needs being unfulfilled. The purpose of the child’s attachment with his parents is to fulfill those emotional and physical needs, so the lack of happiness he feels at the time of misbehavior is usually the result of his feeling not as attached as he needs to be

Read More

Ignoring bad behavior in children, when and when not to do it…

Ignoring bad behavior in children, when and when not to do it…

Many parenting authorities will advise you about ignoring bad behavior in children such as tantrums, claiming that the child just wants attention and giving it to him in that moment will encourage him to behave that way in the future to get the attention he craves. The logic is the child will think, “I want attention and love. Last time I made a terrible tantrum I got the attention I wanted, therefore now I am going to fabricate and entire tantrum, that is purposely force myself to behave terribly, to get what I want.”

Read More

“He should know better than that at his age!”- How to help a child mature

“He should know better than that at his age!”- How to help a child mature

Many parents often express disappointment in what they perceive as their children's overly childish behavior. In considering how to help a child mature, they often see their child can be quite intelligent and developed at times, they feel he has the ability to behave more maturely and it is the child's duty to rise to the occasion and cut out the kids’ stuff. 

Read More

Selfishness in children: it may not be as bad as you think!

Selfishness in children: it may not be as bad as you think!

Many times parents voice a complaint about selfishness in children. They feel their children are endlessly needy and demanding, even greedy, and don't seem to think of or have consideration for others. This generates fear in the parents that their children will lead a life of selfishness and poor character traits and certainly won’t be liked. 

Read More

Should children have to earn their privileges?

Should children have to earn their privileges?

Many parents seem to express an interesting philosophy. They say “I don't mind buying him whatever he wants as long as he earns it.” They seem to feel that this way they're teaching the child a good work ethic, that goodies don't come for free and to appreciate the value of a dollar. In addition, having the child earn his privileges relieves a parent of that great fear going around that my child will be spoiled, since if he earned it he's obviously not spoiled..

Read More

What is the most valuable contribution that we need from the children themselves in order to raise them properly?

What is the most valuable contribution that we need from the children themselves in order to raise them properly?

Raising a child is a team effort, and the child is part of the team. Therefore it is absolutely indispensable that we have the child's cooperation. If a child decides that he wants to work against us, that he doesn’t wish to cooperate, our goals will undoubtedly be frustrated. It is therefore vital that we find a way to induce our child to work with us. 

Read More

What to do when your child says, “I hate you!”

What to do when your child says, “I hate you!”

Remember that children are completely dependent upon their parents, both emotionally and physically, and any conflict between you and them threatens their critical lifeline. You are their whole world! Therefore if he or she says “I hate you,” it means that he is suffering intensely and is truly desperate. It is precisely at that moment that he needs our support and understanding emotionally. It is very important that we don’t take it personally and react in an adversarial way.    

Read More

What valuable parenting advice can I give most parents without them ever having come into my office?

What valuable parenting advice can I give most parents without them ever having come into my office?

Let's say you had a family doctor who were to prescribe to a person to eat less and get more exercise. Wouldn't that be great advice for 99 percent of Americans? He can give you that advice without ever examining you because he knows that we are in the middle of an epidemic of over-eating and under-exercise, and 99 out of 100 it will be great advice for you. Parenting is the same way. Without ever having interviewed them I can prescribe to 99 percent of parents to criticize less, boss around less, be less controlling, reprimand less, punish less and to be more gentle, more flexible, more patient, more tolerant and more humble before children. This is because we are in the middle of an epidemic of loving, well-intentioned, dedicated parents who are unfortunately making the inadvertent mistakes of being a little too strict and harsh with their children, and who are missing the crucial element of raising their children's happiness level and fulfilling their emotional needs. As soon as the parent calls me and tells me they are having problems with their children I know the above is the case 99 percent of the time before ever hearing any of the details.

Read More

What Is The Number One Parenting Error?

What Is The Number One Parenting Error?

The number one parenting error is too much criticism!  Unfortunately, even so-called “constructive criticism” usually does more harm than good. The logic behind such criticism is that if the parent perceives that the child is making mistakes and behaving inappropriately, simply pointing out his mistakes or poor character traits will alert the child to the problem so she will take the information to heart and correct the error in the future.

Read More

How Parenting Counseling helps to reduce ADHD symptoms in children

How Parenting Counseling helps to reduce ADHD symptoms in children

Are you frustrated with your child's lack of focus and poor school performance? Are you upset by your child's misbehavior and impulsivity? If you are you interested in a simultaneous or alternative treatment to ADHD medication, or a longer lasting treatment that continues after the meds have worn off, I highly recommend Parenting Counseling.

Read More

Communicate with Children Wisely Through the Power of Writing Notes

Communicate with Children Wisely Through the Power of Writing Notes

When a problem arises or there is some form of misbehavior, you can communicate with children most effectively by writing a note. Haim Ginott, famed psychologist from the 1960’s and later his students Faber and Mazlish, developed this idea and I’ve added elucidation. Hand the child a piece of paper saying, “Billy, I see candy wrappers left on the couch,” and you will be amazed to see the results. Hang a note in the bathroom saying, “Wet towels should be hung up to dry,” and you will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Writing is much more than just a convenient way to store and send information, it is an extremely effective, wise and respectful method of communicating with children.

Read More

Teaching Emotions to Children

Teaching Emotions to Children

Faber and Mazlish in their classic “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen And How To Listen So Kids Will Talk” offer some great advice on teaching emotions, to which  I’ve added my own elucidation and explanation. Please keep in mind that these points are an ideal which may be difficult for many parents to fully achieve. Therefore we must have patience with ourselves, keeping in mind that doing as much as we can will be of great benefit to our children.

Read More

Potty Training 101

Potty Training 101

It may seem from reading my blog that I claim to be a parenting expert. While I do feel that I have some interesting and worthwhile advice to offer parents on various topics, on the topic of getting children potty trained early, however, I am no expert at all. All of my boys trained very late. Yet for potty training 101 I do have some advice to offer you, and that is that toilet training is best done later when the child is emotionally ready for it, as opposed to pressuring him or her to train early or by some arbitrary age. 

Read More